The Joy and Dread of Book Group Membership
Some of the author’s favorite books.
The Joy and Dread of Book Group Membership
Embarrassing Confession
For many years of my life I rarely read a book unless it was required by school or work. In some ways, this was odd, because I loved to read when I was little and was an enthusiastic patron of the public library. I also loved to write. I had pen-pals from all over the world and eagerly composed letters to them. I’m not sure when the problems arose, perhaps when I was expected to read and understand “literature” instead of children’s books. The challenge worsened when school assignments included poetry, both writing and interpreting. I observed classmates reading lengthy books by foreign authors, while I stuck with short books in large print with interesting illustrations. Reading and attempting to understand Shakespeare was only enjoyable when the teacher provided clear explanations of the story and when our curriculum provided an excuse to go to the theater, which I enjoyed even if I didn’t fully understand the story line.
Freshman Year Crisis
The only C grade I ever received in school was Freshman year of college when I enrolled in Modern English Literature, erroneously thinking that my problem with books was authors from past decades and centuries. I only saved myself from flunking the class by the discovery of books offering plot summaries and succinct analysis of the writing. Oddly, I was allowed to enroll in this class, instead of the typical Freshman English class, because of high grades and test scores as an incoming student. I learned the hard way that high SAT scores and being a high school valedictorian did not mean I had an aptitude for literary interpretation.
Following high school and college, I rarely read for pleasure. I was still fascinated with books and bookstores and subscribed to several book clubs, which mailed new books each month whether I wanted them or not. Most of those books did not get read and it became obvious that purchasing books through a commercial book club was not working for me.
Book Club Challenges
One of my activities as a young professional was membership in the American Association of University Women. The organization had an advocacy program I supported, interesting branch program meetings, and engaging members who became my closest friends. They also had active book clubs, which I generally avoided by saying I was too busy. I felt a book club might bring back the embarrassment I’d felt in my college literature classes. (I tried a second literature class Senior year when I was able to take the class pass/fail. I passed, but it was a painful experience.)
Trying to demonstrate that I could enjoy a book club, I started my own. My new group focused on career-oriented books, especially those which attempted to help women succeed in the chauvinistic world of business I was experiencing in the 1970s. Those books I read enthusiastically and had no difficulty understanding. They helped explain situations I faced each day as a young lawyer in a business-practice law firm which had never before had a female attorney. However, my new book club had trouble attracting new members and eventually ended when existing participants became too busy.
Meanwhile, my friends in the long-standing and very popular book club that many AAUW members participated in couldn’t understand why I would not join them. I couldn’t tell them I was afraid it would be embarrassing. I worried that the books would be difficult to finish, since I was a slow reader. Even if I read the book, there was a good chance I wouldn’t fully understand things like the theme and character development. I think my friends took me on as a group challenge – how to get Carolyn to join the book club. The group had a dessert contest at one of their meetings. They recruited me to be the judge, even when I said that cooking was not my thing and that I had no qualifications to judge the contest other than a love of food, especially dessert. They persuaded me that it was all in good fun and no particular qualification was required, other than not being an existing member of the group. I accepted the challenge, enjoyed the food and was delighted to socialize with so many good friends who were enthusiastic book club members. However, I still would not join the group.
Friends to the Rescue
Many months later, another tactic was employed to get me to the book club. It may have been that I had quit my job, could no longer claim to be too busy, and was searching for a new direction for my life. One discussion participant was a psychiatrist, one was a social worker and a third was a counselor. Maybe they were hoping to figure out what my book group aversion was while also offering to help me adjust to premature retirement. What I discovered at that gathering was that their book club had little to do with literary analysis. Instead, it provided an opportunity to enjoy a story which became a springboard for talking about personal experiences that might or might not be related to the book. As therapists, my friends were good listeners and were delighted with any contribution I made to the discussion. I also enjoyed the chance to visit in a friend’s home and enjoy delicious refreshments. I was hooked and relieved that being in an AAUW book club bore little resemblance to my high school and college literature classes.
The New (Reluctant) Book Club Member
I’ve been a member of various book clubs since that fateful evening with the psychiatrist, social worker and counselor, but it’s always been apparent to me that I’m not your typical book club member. I continue to struggle to get through lengthy books, often confuse the characters and plot details, and rarely have much to say about theme or plot development. I don’t offer any analysis of how the book compares to others this or other authors may have written. To me the joy of the book club is spending time with friends, pushing myself to read something I may not even have heard of before, and discussing interesting topics related to the book, but not dependent on remembering book details.
Over the years I’ve had a lot of time to think about my mixed feelings about book discussions. I always enjoy presentations about the author and the background of the publication. I accept the fact that I may have little to contribute to the discussion, depending on how close it comes to literary analysis. I’ve learned to appreciate that no matter how capable I may be in some aspects of my life, interpreting literature is not one of them, unless the book directly relates to my own personal experiences.
More Worries
There’s joy and dread in each book group gathering. Will I finish the book? Will I understand the story? Will I have anything intelligent to say about it? Will I embarrass myself by not having an answer to a discussion question? Will I be asked to lead one of the book discussions? If so, I will hope the book includes discussion questions at the end and, even if it does, I may spend hours preparing and worrying about my assignment. During COVID times, the joy of meeting in a friend’s home and sharing delicious refreshments and social chatter has gone away. My book club days may be ending if the dread of embarrassment overcomes the fun of socializing.
Not Giving Up
There’s another way of looking at this dilemma. Having been a good student, I know that I could take notes while reading each book and keep a book journal with the title of book, the author’s name, plot summary, names of main characters and comments about how I liked the book. Some of my friends do this and I myself maintained a book journal like that for a few months. As a student, that sort of diligence may be required, but for pleasure reading I found it too much work. It’s not fun to read if I have to take copious notes that I only refer to if heading to a book group meeting.
Finding a Focus
Readers have different goals and motivations when they read. In thinking about books I have found memorable and that I have been eager to recommend to others, I realize that they have something in common with the pen-pal correspondence I first began in elementary school. I appreciate stories that take me to another part of the country or world and that help me see how my life is the same as or different from others. I’ve also discovered that historical fiction makes me appreciate and understand history in a way that history classes in school never did. When I’m reading a story set in another land or time, I’m not particularly concerned about the names of the characters unless it is someone famous. I want to learn about their lifestyle, motivation and activities. I’m not looking for creative expressions or unusual literary techniques. I just want a story I can understand that helps me learn about someone else’s life.
Book Group Characteristics Matter
The pleasure of learning about history and people through stories is enhanced by book discussions that provide context for the book and information about the author. Discussion which begins with a summary of the book content, followed by reactions to shared excerpts from the book, not concerned with literary techniques, but with questions like: “Have you ever had an experience like this?” or “Do you agree with the way the character dealt with this problem?” The reward of reading, for me, is seeing my own life from a new perspective and getting to know people and places that I am not likely to experience in person. When the story relates to situations I am facing in my own life, as that early book club with career-related books did, then I am especially motivated to read and discuss the book. That is one reason why I have recently had a high level of interest in books that illustrate and explain racial equity issues. Those challenges are an important factor in national and world conflicts and I eagerly read publications which help me better understand the history of racism and potential remedies.
Helping All Readers
Reading is a valuable activity for almost everyone. It allows us to better understand history and current events, as well as ourselves. It also builds empathy for those who are different from us or who may experience hardships. However, we each have different levels of skill and interest and differing subject matter preferences. Let’s help all the readers in our lives find the publications and subject matter that engages them, without creating fear or embarrassment that may occur when one person’s memory of names and facts is different than another’s. Let’s all embrace the goal of more joy and less dread associated with both the process of reading and the discussion at book groups and among friends.
Note: Some of my favorite books from my home library are illustrated at the top of the page. I hope you will consider reading them if you have not already. You will understand why the Beverly Cleary book is listed if you read my blog post entitled Family Secrets – Family Wisdom. You’ll find Dietrich Bonhoeffer quoted in my blog post entitled My Special Wedding Ceremony. Racism is addressed in two other blog posts: Understanding and Fighting Racism and Parents as Role Models.