Thanksgiving Challenges
Thanksgiving Challenges
For the first ten years of my life, I lived near my grandparents and two sets of aunts and uncles. While my memory may not be entirely accurate, I remember holiday celebrations for Thanksgiving and Christmas at either my grandparents’ home or the home of an aunt and uncle. There was lots of food and usually everyone was in good humor. My aunts and uncles were more accustomed to drinking alcohol than my parents and grandparents, so there were a few awkward moments when the usual non-drinkers were encouraged to try a drink, mostly to let the drinkers feel more comfortable with their beverages. With a few exceptions, I have positive memories of those gatherings but don’t remember many details.
In subsequent years, Thanksgiving has been a holiday filled with challenges. Any celebration where things went smoothly and according to the myth of the happy extended family gathering has been long forgotten. My most vivid holiday memories are of plans gone awry. The year one of my grandparents died, there was no family gathering for Thanksgiving. Instead, my parents, brother and I went to the ocean for a getaway over a stormy weekend. I loved seeing the storm from the view cabin we were staying in, but the atmosphere was glum due to the recent death.
During my college and law school years I never went home for Thanksgiving, since it was a long way from the Midwest to Washington State. That travel was viewed as an unnecessary expense in my family. I always looked around for something I could do when my friends joined holiday celebrations. As a college freshman, I persuaded my parents to suggest to some family friends, recently relocated to Minnesota, that they invite me over. I was allowed to bring a college friend along and we stayed overnight. While I knew the couple, I did not know their other family members, nor did I understand that some families show their love for one another by bickering and complaining. I was so glad I had a friend with me to commiserate over the difficult situation we found ourselves in.
In my third year of law school my roommates planned a big holiday celebration. I wasn’t going to be there, however, because I was flying home with my boyfriend (now husband) to meet his parents for the first time. Unfortunately, I got sick and spent the holiday in my own Chicago bed, while my roommates’ planned party went on in the other rooms of the apartment. My boyfriend’s parents were perhaps relieved I had not come. Reportedly, they never commented on my absence.
Once my parents became snowbirds, they never returned to Washington for Thanksgiving. When friends talked about their family gatherings, I always felt a little sad, wishing my parents would come home to spend the holiday with us. One year, my husband and I flew to California with a plan to meet my parents at their RV Park and then drive with them to Arizona to celebrate the holiday with my husband’s parents in Scottsdale, where they lived in a beautiful home in a development with manicured landscaping accented with cactus. We drove up in my parents’ well-traveled RV and promptly learned that the electricity was out at my in-laws’ house and the turkey was not yet cooked. My mother was able to save the day by use of the appliances in the RV, powered by propane, to finish cooking the holiday meal. For some reason, that’s all I remember of that holiday.
When we were new parents with a toddler at home but no family nearby to celebrate the holiday with, we decided to invite over some students from the University of Washington. We planned a nice meal but the one student who came did not appear to be interested in the food or our family. Instead he seemed to want to get leads for a job, which we were not in a position to help with. It was all very awkward and discouraged us from using that holiday strategy in the future.
One year we attempted to be the hosts for a family meal, inviting an out-of-town relative to join us. The first hint of a problem was when the guest took over the task of making the gravy. We assumed she knew what she was doing but then realized the pan that was supposed to contain gravy now contained what appeared to be a thick paste. I don’t remember if we skipped the gravy or made a quick trip to the store to find some pre-made. The same relative insisted on cleaning up after the meal. We later found pots and pans and dishes put away in peculiar locations with a thin layer of grease covering most items, apparently a result of inadequate dishwashing. My final memory of that holiday, was our guest saying she had such a good time she would plan to join us for every Thanksgiving after that. My husband and I were quite sure that was not going to happen.
For many years, we have traveled over the Thanksgiving weekend. This was not necessarily because we wanted a vacation, although that was one of the only times of the year we knew we could have time off work. Often the motivation was to avoid the awkwardness of nothing to do for the holiday and wanting to avoid the responsibility of planning a gathering at our home. One year we went to Ocean Shores to stay in a mobile home we had “purchased” at a church auction. We hadn’t given much thought to the exact location of this home and were disappointed to find there was no view and no easy access to the beach or local restaurants. We also did not expect we would arrive in the midst of a storm which caused the power to go out and power lines to be down and fallen across roads. We had made a reservation for Thanksgiving dinner at a local restaurant and called to find out if they had power. We were told they did not have power, but we should come anyway because the food had all been cooked in advance, so they were staying open. We entered the restaurant with our flashlights and planned to eat by candlelight, but suddenly the power came back on and we all felt very thankful for being able to see the beautiful meal we were having.
Our most successful Thanksgiving weekends were spent in Canada. We either drove or took the Victoria Clipper catamaran to get there and managed to avoid holiday crowds and “Black Friday” mob scenes, since the Canadian Thanksgiving celebration is in October. There was always a restaurant that catered to American guests by offering a turkey dinner and, over the years, we visited a variety of establishments. We look forward to making that trip again when the circumstances are right.
For a few years, we have participated in potluck Thanksgiving meals at our church. Those have been some of our better holiday meals, but the last time we went, there had been a spell of cold weather and a pipe had frozen at the church. It was discovered when water was found seeping out of the building and a helpful neighbor had managed to get the water turned off to stop further damage. However, no one told the dinner organizers. I only learned there was a problem when I went to wash my hands and found there was no water. No one knew what the problem was and, at first, we just went ahead and set out the food for our meal. I was concerned about the water problem and worried that no one would be able to wash anything and that using the bathrooms would be problematic. However, the food was ready and everyone was hungry. My husband and I decided to eat and leave, rather than stay and socialize with no available water. We felt a little guilty skipping out on taking responsibility for the problem, but didn’t feel we were the best ones to be troubleshooters. We have not been back for Thanksgiving potlucks since then.
Two years ago, we had an almost normal Thanksgivng meal. A friend and I joined forces for our two families. We shared the preparation and all 8 of us sat around our dining room table. It felt good to have our own home cooked meal, using our good china, with good friends and family members joining us. We were able to accommodate the vegetarian and the gluten-free dietary needs. An issue arose due to our limited beverage choices but it was resolved when one guest left and later returned with a six-pack of beer. We even took the time to share what we were grateful for at the start of the meal.
Planning for Thanksgiving in 2020 was easy. No one was going anywhere due to the pandemic, so we got take out from the grocery store, which provided plenty of turkey, since we purchased food for four, even though there were only two of us. We enjoyed Thanksgiving food for nearly a week. While others were sad for not being able to get together with family, we were happy to have a built-in excuse for celebrating alone.
Many people are having a “normal” Thanksgiving this year, but we are not yet ready to invite guests over or to go to another’s home. We tried to make a restaurant reservation but the places we contacted were either closed, already booked up, or way overpriced. This year it will be grocery store take out for two. We will be thankful to have good food, a comfortable home and our good health. We also hope to have phone calls from our kids and grandkids, which would be the highlight of the day. We’ll be reminiscing about past holidays and possibly thinking ahead to a day when we might actually have a family Thanksgiving in our home or that of another family member.
I wish a Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends, celebrating alone or with family and friends. If any problems arise, remember that those problems might turn into amusing memories in the future and may help you differentiate one celebration from another. Be grateful for everything that goes well, because many of us have lots of experience with holiday challenges.
