This I Believe
This I believe – Oct. 2, 2021
Story shared by Carolyn Hayek at the morning worship service of Northlake Unitarian Universalist Church
In our Unitarian Universalist tradition we each follow our own path toward understanding the world and interpreting spiritual teachings. In some congregations, there is a regular practice of inviting members of the congregation to share their religious journey and beliefs. Since I have always appreciated those stories, I volunteered to share my experiences with Christianity and my search for ethical guidance.
Throughout my childhood I attended the Presbyterian Church. I took to heart stories such as the Good Samaritan, the Golden Rule, as found in most religions, and the many teachings of Jesus, especially the Sermon on the Mount, and the assertion that the greatest commandment is love. When it was time for me, as a teen-ager, to become a member of the church, I struggled with accepting the creeds and doctrines that were commonly recited. Ultimately, I decided I could become a church member by accepting the actual teachings of Jesus and reinterpreting doctrines and Bible verses that were otherwise hard to accept. In high school, I took a philosophy class in which we were challenged to describe our beliefs. I developed what I called my foggy window theory of religion. I suggested that there were right and wrong beliefs that existed beyond our ability to clearly comprehend. All people of good will strive to follow those standards as they see them, but none of us has a perfect view so we end up with many different interpretations. I sometimes hear this described as a journey up a mountain in which all religious people are seeking the top of the mountain (which might be referred to as God, Love, or Enlightenment) but many different routes are taken to get there, some more successful than others.
I took to heart the church’s emphasis on service to the needy, which also fit well with the Camp Fire Law, which I tried to follow as a member of Camp Fire Girls, from second grade through high school. After graduating from college, I even returned to work as a camp unit leader for a summer at Camp Sealth on Vashon Island. (Camp Sealth celebrated its 100th Anniversary this week-end.) In case you don’t know the Camp Fire Law, which I remember as a song, it goes like this:
Worship God
Seek Beauty
Give Service and
Knowledge Pursue
Be trustworthy ever, in all that you do
Hold fast onto health
And your work glorify
And you will be happy, in the law of Camp Fire.
Incidentally, Camp Fire was somewhat of a family tradition. My mother was a member as was my daughter. Both my daughter and I attended sleep-away Camp Fire camp for many summers when we were young.
As a high school student, I didn’t concern myself too much with the actual nature of God or concepts such as “original sin,” the “virgin birth,” or the idea that I was saved by baptism or the death of Jesus on the cross. I knew there wasn’t a bearded man in the sky pulling the strings for humans and animals on earth. As a 17-year-old, I was astounded to learn the beliefs of the Mormon Church, as presented in a large display at the New York World’s Fair. I was even a little frightened, because once I entered the exhibit there did not appear to be any way to get out except by passing through all their displays, concluding with a film showing people in white robes united with loved ones in a cloud-filled heaven. When I returned home to Washington, I hid in my bedroom when two Mormon missionaries came to my home to see me. I relied on my mother to send them on their way. I could never accept that a child was born sinful, or that someone’s death 2000 years ago occurred to make my life better, but only if I had the right beliefs and performed the correct rituals.
My interest in religion motivated me to read about and visit many different faith-based institutions as a high school student. I remember being shocked that friends in the Catholic and Lutheran churches were required to memorize and recite a catechism of beliefs I could never accept. When my dad saw me struggling to understand the teachings of our church, he relayed a story of his mother trying to teach him the Catholic religion while his father, who claimed to be an agnostic, said that as quickly as his mother tried to teach him, he would try to take religion out of him. My father then advised me it was better to just go along with religious practices rather than thinking about them too much. Many years later, I was surprised to find my skeptical father seeking spiritual guidance from his Presbyterian minister, first during a time of ill health, and at the very end of his life when he became concerned about the afterlife.
My beliefs about God and the Bible have not changed much since those years of exploration as a teen-ager. I’ve come to appreciate scholars who provide new interpretations of Bible stories, incorporating new translations and historic information, that make it possible to discover universal messages that had been obscured by inadequate understanding. Despite my uncertainty about the nature of God, it has sometimes been comforting to say prayers not just of thanks and gratitude but also seeking guidance. Where a response might come from is a mystery, but I am convinced that there are powers outside of what we can easily comprehend, that we sometimes are able to tap into. Let’s just say I believe in ethical living, guided by the teachings of Jesus and other prophets, combined with the mystery of the forces that control our universe and reside inside each of us. I also believe in the necessity of an ongoing search for truth and guidance, which may take a variety of forms during my lifetime.
I am grateful to be a part of the Unitarian Universalist Church. I still consider myself a Christian, even though my faith might not meet the standards of many Christian churches. (Since it’s LGBTQ History Month, let me just add that it was a Presbyterian Sunday Service that conveyed opposition to LBGTQ rights that caused me to leave that church. I never went back.) Northlake UU Church allows me to follow my beliefs without a necessity to adhere to a particular creed. The UU denomination also provided a safe place for my husband, who grew up Jewish, our two children, and I to participate in activities together. My kids participated in the Religious Education program of the Saltwater UU Church for most of their childhood. Nearly every summer we all participated in the Eliot Institute Family Camp. The times we spent together there as a family were always our best vacation times and provided friendships that have stayed with us for decades.
Thank you for listening to my story and for supporting this congregation, which has been my church home for 24 years. I hope to hear about the religious journey of many of you during the coming year.